My personal life and what happens day to day is typically where I get my ideas for blog posts. I like to write about what I know, what interests me and my daily life. That being said todays blog post is about dealing with “baby mamas.” It’s a bit of a controversial topic, but here we go.
Sunday was Ellie’s birthday party it was also the Christmas pageant at the girls mom’s church. The girls grandmother wanted them to be a part of it so she signed them up and signed Ellie, the oldest, up to do a reading. Needless to say it was a full day with the baby mama and I had been dreading it for weeks.
Before Gus and I started dating we had open communication about the topic of his ex. I knew all about her even before I met her. I met the girls about three months after we had started officially dating and then I met their mom shortly after that. It was not a good first meeting in my opinion. It started off bad before we even met because she was mad that a few of her family members and her girlfriend had met me before she did. The actual meeting was terrible. We met at Gus’ apartment as at the time we weren’t living together. She brought her girlfriend and the girls and Gus was there as well. We ordered some pizza and wings. He didn’t have any ranch dressing so she made him go out to the store to get her some. When he was gone that’s when the interrogation began. She basically told me how things were, how they were going to be and she asked me some questions I thought were a little too personal for a first meeting. The conversation did not flow easily as she basically was pissing all over everything she thought she owned. After he got back with the ranch we ate and then she fell asleep on the couch. That in a nut shell is her personality – controlling, rude, selfish, gets mad at the drop of a hat, dramatic and then will just fall asleep leaving you seething mad. After that meeting I had to think long and hard if I wanted to stay in the relationship. Obviously I did, but it has been a long road with that one. I told him from the beginning that I wasn’t going to play sister wives and at the very least I will go to the girls birthday parties and possibly other school events.
There was a stretch of time last year after we moved in that I tried to be friendly with her. I made more of an effort to go to her family events. She would always ask me to come to holidays at her families house then when I wouldn’t go, because I would go to my families, she would tell him how our relationship wasn’t going to work. So I went to more of the crap she invited me to, and made more of an effort to be the co-family that she said she wanted. During this time we were also planning a move to North Carolina. She had initiated the move last February and said she was going to move this past August so the girls could start school down there. We were excited for the move, we looked at apartments near his family and were looking into jobs. Needless to say we spent six months planning a move that never happened – she changed her mind. This along with some other things that happened have made me want to take a step back. The big thing was that on multiple occasions since we’ve started dating and even since we’ve lived together, she has asked him for a third baby. She told him she wanted another baby with him as she wanted all of her kids to have the same dad. She even told him to ask me after he told her no and also told him they didn’t even have to be physical! On top of all this she really isn’t a good mom. She’s the type of person who wanted to be a mom but didn’t want to be a parent.
After all that’s gone on I have gone back to my original feelings on the situation. So long as I am there for the girls when it’s their time, that’s all that matters. This idea of a perfect co-parenting family sometimes I think is just a way for one of the parenting parties to hold control over the other. So long as the kids are happy and being taken care of that’s all that matters.
If you’re in a similar situation I hope things are going better for you! If they aren’t going better try not to let it discourage you from the relationship. If it’s worth it stick around and try and make it work. If things are good with your partner and with the kids that’s all that should matter. Stay strong and hold your ground. Also I know this is difficult, I struggle with it all the time, don’t dwell on things that happen. If you know the kind of person the baby mama is she most likely is not going to change. Don’t give her the attention she is after, don’t get down to her level, don’t show her she’s bothering you at all – just move on and do you!
As always, thanks for reading!